Written by Da’Shaun Harrison
I was around 8 the first time.
I still have very clear mirages of what I felt in those moments, what each experience was like, and how I internalized every interaction. But because the abuse went on for so long, I lost track of the years that were attached to them.
My first assailant was a straight, self-identified “tough guy”. A teen on the verge of adulthood and a member of my family. I was a child who did not perform masculinity in the ways young Black boys were expected to. I know that neither of us knew much about sexuality because our family never discussed it. He and I didn’t discuss much of anything, but I do know that we were both taught that any sexual or romantic interaction between two men/boys was forbidden.
After he forced himself inside of me, I couldn’t help but to think endlessly about the act of sex and sexuality. I hadn’t been taught that boys could be raped, but I had been taught about biblical abominations. Through these teachings—that I would later understand to be the result of the socialization process—I knew that what happened between the two of us had to remain a secret. So I didn’t tell. And I hated myself. Not because I had been raped, but because I had become the one thing important enough for my family and our bible to teach against: a faggot, a ‘homosexual’, a soul blackened by the impurities of male-male penetration. And though I was none of these things, because of what I was taught, it was the only way I was able to process it. I never processed it as rape. Instead, I processed it concluding that I was an abomination.
Before I could grapple with what transpired and what it meant in terms of my sexuality or his, I was experiencing it again for the second time. Two times turned into three, and three times turned into four. These encounters stopped being singular moments, but rather occurrences measured by years. And with each passing one, his assaults grew confidently against my body. He expected to touch me, as if he were entitled to my body, and took my confusion as consent. Then, once we were in public, he would interact with me as if he hadn’t violated me the night before. Eventually, I believed that this was normal. I convinced myself that I liked it—that, if I anticipated it, maybe it wouldn’t be as bad.
Then a family friend re-established a new “first time” for me. This time he was fully an adult and I just at the dawn of my teenage years. Moments that were supposed to be spent playing video games and having conversations turned into me, yet again, being violated by a man that I trusted. Except this time, he wasn’t a “tough guy”. He was a “nice guy”. A self-proclaimed gentleman, who cared deeply for people and never disrespected anyone. He also differed because he had a girlfriend that his entire family adored.
So, just like at the age of 8, I was left with only confusion. Never having the space to discuss sexuality with the men that forced sex into my world outside of the violence they enacted against my body. And after the many years of this abuse, I internalized the idea that pleasing men, irrespective of what gender their sexual/romantic partners identified with, was something that I should become accustomed to. These experiences led to me thinking of myself as broken, which I recently wrote about. This brokenness carried me into young adulthood.
BREAKING: Homosexual Hate Group Poised to Attack
Rumors of a recent meeting organized by QUEEN, a coalition of homosexual extremists, began swirling this morning after an alleged meeting agenda surfaced online. The document, dated Friday, January 12th, appears to outline strategies to infiltrate various sectors in an attempt to contaminate some individuals with venomous homosexuality.
The target remains to be, of course, heterosexual men.
While every talking point on the gay agenda are all a cause for concern, the public has been especially alarmed about “The Antidote” under item C. Toxicology experts theorize that this is a newly-engineered poison created by highly-skilled biochemists to turn men gay. The gay gene, a preceding topic of discussion, has been a long time indicator of homosexuality in early adolescence in males.
In the 1970s, two investigative journalists uncovered documents detailing the now-confirmed existence of “coercion camps”. Men between the ages of 18 and 35 have been deluded under false pretenses to attend, all having been told that extended invitations were only for elite members of society and to keep all details confidential. All men were automatically enrolled in college-level courses, much like the ones listed under agenda item E… Read more at FonzFranc.com
Our Favorite Ratchet Show is Coming Back! ‘Chasing Atlanta’ Season 2 Trailer
Yasssss! The girls have clocked out of Mickey D’s, sprayed on some beards and hairlines, and gave us a sickening messy trailer for ‘Chasing Atlanta’ Season 2!
If you haven’t been catching up on one of the hottest new reality series on YouTube you’re behind and I should block you now. The door is closed! Chasing Atlanta shook the kids last year with back to back episodes of drama and lifestyles of the rich & barely famous! Let me stop before the girls come for me.
Last year Chasing Atlanta racked up 100s of thousands of views and was the talk on social media, and now they’re gearing up for season 2. We’re getting new faces and new wigs this new season. We may even find out by some bad reviews on some wigs.
Check out the explosive trailer below.
Production is looking cute!!! Looks like we have some new cast members and new tea.
To catch up on Season 1 *click here*
Are you excited about the new season? What vibes are you getting off the new cast?
Get into my recap of Season 1 and reunion below.
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