When my best friend of about 2 years: Christopher Michael Garza committed suicide, I had to re-learn simple things like sleeping alone. We were joined at the hip. I discovered that he was suffering from anxiety & depression and I went from seeing him everyday to basically living with him. I didn’t know it then, but I suppose I had done this as an unconscious effort to save him from himself.
Immediately before it happened, Chris had suddenly improved. The depression seemingly vanished. He had a different aura around him. I thought that maybe the therapy and medication were working. We went out and partied on a Monday night and I slept at his apartment as usual when the night was over. I went to class, came back to his place (because he wasn’t answering my texts or calls) and found him. He used a belt. (Apparently, this happens a lot with people who plan to commit suicide. In their minds, they have found a solution to their anxiety so they seem at peace. If you see these signs in someone, try to get them professional help quickly.)
I’m writing this because I know someone is struggling with depression, especially LGBT individuals. I’m writing this because I know someone is facing loss. I don’t have any answers here like I usually do. I’m still dealing with this. The only thing I can say is that you are not alone. Your life matters. Your pain is real but so are positive solutions. Let Chris’ life and story be a reminder never to take people for granted.
I wrote the following poem after a good drunken cry. As sad as it is, it represents the raw emotion that was going through my mind at the time and I think the story needs to be told. I’m guilty of shying away from talking about topics like this, but we must speak more about these things so that we all can heal collectively from the scars this life often gives us.
Chris by Adrian
Oh, there you are
Oh, there you are
From the Tree of Death
that you grew while I slept.
Oh…how I regret.
Tip-toeing, head tilted.
Eyelids lowered, but body lifted.
Your heart’s stopped pace
from that permanent necklace.
Strange fruit, bitter taste.
What am I supposed to do now?
Warm blood always cools down
but why now?
What am I supposed to do now?
My sentences now left undone
waiting on your completion.
Songs now left unsung,
I could have saved you
I should have saved you
I thought I gave you…
of me for you to see
and now your brain matter
how my heart is shattered
by your hanging, dangling.
Tears: they roll
like a scroll
you left me to behold
I’m shivering but I’m not cold.
I’m shaking but you can’t hold
me, like I used to hold you
in those sleepless nights
of internal fights.
Come back to me.
Come back and be
We all are.
But we are not by ourselves.
You were not by yourself
but now I feel by myself.
I didn’t get to say bye, myself.
But not your memory
Nor the beauty of your friendship
Nor your story-shade delivery
I really tried to save you
I want to reset this
But I never could protect you from
Garza Michael Chris
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‘Ru Paul’s Drag Race’ Star Chi Chi DeVayne Passes Away at 34-Years-Old
Zavion Davenport, better known as RuPaul’s Drag Race’s Chi Chi DeVayne has died at the young age of 34, fellow alum Trinity K. Bonet confirmed on Instagram today.
The Drag Race contestant had been diagnosed with scleroderma, also called crest syndrome, back in 2018.
Fans and other contestants of the show had been sharing the DeVayne’s payment information to assist with the overwhelming cost of hospital bills. Shea Coulee and Priyanka had been especially involved in raising funds for their fellow alum.
‘Real Housewives of Potomac’ star Candiace Dillard Makes Fatphobic Comment Towards Blogger and Suggest That He “Drop Dead”
*deep negro spiritual sigh* There are very few things that truly anger me. Somehow, Candiace, a woman whose mouth seems to get her beat up often, has found one of those few buttons with her latest statement.
So, here I am, minding my fat ass business when I see this:
Rumor has it that she was talking about Kyle from The Black Socialites. It really doesn’t matter who she was talking about, but I guess we’ll never know because she didn’t have the courage to say a name. She did have the courage, however, to talk about her involvement with “plots” against other cast members. She was able to talk for two hours, under the glow of her pale husband’s flickering TV screen, about absolutely nothing of substance.
There are uprisings happening, a pandemic happening, but she’s worried about “plotting” in the DMV. We just passed the 6th anniversary of Michael Brown’s death. That’s in her backyard. That’s a pain that she should be deconstructing. Instead she chooses to attack a fat Black man who is working hard to bring her show press.
I’ll end with the victim’s words, and we can all go back to not knowing Candiace exists:
Trump Administration Cuts Protections for Transgender Americans
On Friday, the Trump administration announced it would be rolling back an Obama-era rule protecting transgender Americans from discrimination in health care.
Under the Obama administration, Section 1557 of the Affordable Care Act expanded the definition of sex discrimination to include discrimination based on one’s gender identity. Under a revised version of the rule, the Department of Health and Human Services will enforce Section 1557 “by returning to the government’s interpretation of sex discrimination according to the plain meaning of the word ‘sex’ as male or female and as determined by biology” beginning in mid-August. In other words, doctors and insurance companies receiving funding from the Fed can legally refuse any patient needing transition-related medical care.
Of course, as quickly as the rule was finalized, many LGBTQ+ organizations including the ACLU,announced intentions to sue the Trump administration over this new language. “The Trump admin has issued a rule that will embolden health care discrimination against transgender people.. All while a global pandemic is occurring.” said the ACLU in a tweet.
Forget a global pandemic, ACLU. Friday’s announcement came on the fourth anniversary of the Pulse nightclub tragedy, a mass shooting at a popular Florida gay nightclub that left 49 people and the shooter dead.
President Trump has made it clear how he feels about the nearly 1.4 million transgender people in this country, his fellow Americans – he doesn’t feel anything.