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Seeing Two Queer Black Men Get Married Changed My Life

Uche Onyeyiri
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I had the honor of seeing two queer Black men get married and it changed my life. September 30th outside of Memphis, TN I was present during a wedding that was unlike most of the weddings I was forced to go to when I was a child. I’m not the biggest fan of dressing up but dealing with two men who would give any TLC Bridezilla a run for their money, I had no choice.

This couple is no ordinary couple. Over the years I’ve become close with them as they have shared so much wisdom with me on what it is being a Black queer man and in a committed relationship. I’ve often talked about the lack of representation on TV and in real life when it comes to seeing Black gay men in love. I didn’t think it was possible because of this. I thought to myself several times “I don’t see Black men together so it must not be meant to be.” Seeing the two share their vows sparked something in me that I was sure was there.

I think about 14 or 16-year-old Justin and what the effect would’ve been on him if he saw Black Gay love in real life. Shows like “Noah’s Arc” gave some glimpse but was still TV. Even ‘Noah’s Arc’ wasn’t enough to combat the homophobic content that young me saw. I always asked myself was it something wrong with me and was it truly an abomination to attracted towards the same sex. Was I sick and twisted as my pastor told me almost every Sunday? No, I wasn’t. This Sunday would be different. This Sunday 31-year-old Justin would see two of his friends who are in love celebrate with friends and family and won’t be judged. A Sunday that I would always remember.

This is no ordinary love, and this is no ordinary couple. I met Erik at a time in my life when I was unsure about what I wanted to do, and I felt I had no choice because capitalism was on my neck. Erik reached out to me to express that he enjoyed my YouTube recaps of Real Housewives of Atlanta, and a friendship was born. He offered me a job opportunity when I really needed one, and he was a part of the catalyst that lead to the creation of KingofReads.com. He supported me (in more ways than I can share) with my move to Atlanta, and I will forever be grateful. Over the years I’ve become close with them, and they have shared so much wisdom with me about being Black queer men, choosing to be in a committed relationship. I am happy to have them in my life, and I am especially happy to have been able to share their special day with them. Seeing this couple share their vows in front of family and friends sparked something in me – Black queer love is possible. How revolutionary.

I’ve often complained about the fact that I rarely encounter Black gay men in love on my television or in my day-to-day life. Where are the Black gay men who love other Black gay men? It seems they don’t exist. They certainly aren’t on Shondaland shows, and they certainly aren’t on Netflix. They aren’t on any shows on Logo. The last time I saw two Black queer men show the love that I was about to was during Pray Tell’s kiss after disclosing his status.

Erik & Terrell exchange their written vows.

So seeing these two Black men come together wasn’t just important to me because of the ceremony but it was love they shared with each other that I have been fortunate to witness and it changed me. On September 30th, outside of Memphis, Tennessee, right in the heart of the Bible belt, their wedding ceremony began promptly at 5 pm. I’ve always seen photos from same-sex ceremonies but never attended or thought it was possible to even think I would have a chance at one. This wedding celebrated the love of two men who looked like me and loved like me. Although I’m not the biggest fan of dressing up, I put on my Sunday’s best – honestly, I had no interest in catching the wrath of two men who would rival any WE TV Bridezilla. Days before the ceremony I played dress up from head to toe. Terrell insisted and even went as far to purchase more shoes because the ones I had just wouldn’t do. You gotta love them. I walked in right as the ceremony began and I felt an instant rush in my blood that this was real. Not a viral video on social media but I was actually there.

I cried. Tears of joy. I was moved. As someone who made a decision earlier this year to leave monogamy alone and just have “fun” and focus on my career this told me that sometimes love truly does happen when you least expect it. At that moment I realized that I loved and appreciated my friends for inviting me to experience an important moment in their lives. I also came to realize that I, in fact, am deserving a love and for someone to make me loved. Love takes work no doubt it isn’t what we some might want us to see on Instagram or Facebook. There are moments when things might seem too much to get out of and those are the moments that show you rather the person in your life is truly the one for you or not.

I didn’t attend this wedding alone. I went with someone who I am in love with. If I hadn’t been for seeing the love between Erik & Terrell over the years I would’ve given up on love in general, but I feel like I’ve been given a second chance to truly open myself up to be prepared for whatever my heart deserves.

Check out some of the amazing photos taken by Uche Onyeyiri of Erik & Terrell and follow their Instagram.

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For The Culture

Caucasian Christian Colonizer Cole LaBrant Catching Criticism for Using Adopted Child as Ottoman for Privileged Daughter

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In today’s segment of Typical White Nonsense, we return to none other than Alabama for the latest act of insensitivity. YouTuber Cole LaBrant uploaded a controversial video of his adopted cousin, a Black boy nicknamed Peanut, being used as a footstool to lift his daughters up to the swings. Although the video has been deleted, it was captured by the entirety of Black Twitter, who assembled to quickly mete out justice.

Having recently trended because of the poor decision to pass one of the nation’s strictest abortion bills, Alabamians have another reason to hide their faces in shame. Youtuber Cole LaBrant, who runs a family channel with his wife and children, shared a video of his Black adopted cousin being used a footstool to his Twitter account. Expecting the video to be received as a warm gesture, Cole quickly realized that a Black boy being pressed into the dirt by the heel of two white girls isn’t exactly the visual we need in 2019.

Although Cole has been racing to clean up his mess, evidence of the misdeed has already made international waves. Catching the immediate ire of Black Twitter, the culture has already rallied and uncovered disgusting liked tweets. An outspoken Christian, Cole has apparently taken “make your enemies a footstool” quite literally as he celebrated the behavior of”Peanut”. Despite there being multiple able-bodied adults in the vicinity, that poor child is the one to “aid” his cousins, who in my opinion didn’t even need his help.

Along with drawing comparisons to behaviors exhibited during slavery, Cole’s actions have prompted a discussion for the argument against transracial adoption. When Black babies end up in white homes, are deprived of the knowledge of their cultural history, and are subjected to treatment like that, it’s the perfect storm for birthing an Uncle Ruckus. They endure psychological abuses and internalize hatred for all that so many of us hold dear. They develop disdain for the elements of Black culture they missed and eventually grow to use the language of the oppressor to justify their prejudices and distance themselves from the community. The fear of “Peanut” facing such a fate has spawned calls for his removal from a potentially dangerous environment.

Has Black Twitter gotten CPS on the line yet?

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Kim Kardashian’s Kredit Belongs to Black Female Attorneys, Activists

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Behind every Kardashian is a Black woman who truly did the work! Yesterday, we reported that Kim Kardashian would be featured in a two-hour documentary chronicling her justice crusade. Now, an attorney and criminal reform advocate a part of the team that REALLY led the efforts has spoken up.

Kim Kardashian arrived at the table when dessert was being served and was given credit for the full meal! The true team of people who put the work in to secure the freedom of Alice Marie Johnson along with the other 16 life sentences, is made predominantly of black women and men.

Fed up with the misinformation people have been spreading on social media, Texas attorney and activist Brittany K. Barnett decided to clear the air. Through two organizations called The Decarceration Collective and the Buried Alive Project, Brittany and her partner, MiAngel Cody, were the driving forces behind the success Kim Kardashian has claimed. Commenting on the silent struggles she has faced, Barnett says she is “coming out of the shadows” and is no longer shying away from their magic in all of its melanin glory.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BuAWwMYDTEi/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

As a co-founder of Buried Alive, Brittany K. Barnett has been invested in the pro bono presentation of federal prison inmates. Changing the lives of nonviolent drug offenders, Brittany has worked to secure the freedom of countless victims of the American justice system. Having experienced firsthand the atrocities mass incarceration inflicts upon families, Brittany has worked tirelessly to free her clients, 37 in total. So when it comes to what exactly Kim Kardashian provided, in short, it was “support”.

https://twitter.com/KimKardashian/status/1124379995143426048

 

 

The use of Kim’s platform was integral in securing funding and spreading the word but the work was done by those behind the non-profits. While Brittany does not harbor any ill-will toward Kim, she is conflicted by reports that Kim led the way. Expressing her frustration, Brittany stated:

Kim has always been very clear in her role. It’s the media that spins it around — not Kim. We do not care how the media is portraying it — that’s what the media does. Who cares. We need Kim’s support and the support of anyone else who wants to join this fight. We love that she is using her platform to raise awareness. We ain’t trying to be famous, we trying to get our people free. Period.”

 

Brittany credits Kim for “linking arms” with them in support when other foundations declined requests for funds. However, TWO black women lawyers are responsible for the 90-day effort to release 17 incarcerated individuals.

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Dear Tiffany Haddish

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