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                                                                      “Baby What is you doing?”

 

Babies to the left, babies to the right. Weddings over there, nothing happening over here. Up and down friends and acquaintances are making bank and paper chasing. Then……there’s me. Postgrad still trying to figure out what is actually going on, where she is headed. Clueless.
Scared.
Embarrassed.
And everything in between. Sometimes it only takes one moment to spawn thoughts like these, especially when they’re lurking in the background ready to pounce at any minute.

 

                                                                              “I Aint Mad at Cha”

It was an innocent shopping trip, me, one of my closest friends, and a large strawberry milkshake to wash it all down with. Unfortunately, I went from carelessly perusing the clearance rack, Uncle Clarence as I like to call him, to being hit in the face by ten tons of reality. I heard a voice call my name, and come to find out it was the mother of one of my classmates from WAAAY back. Naturally, we exchanged pleasantries and walked down memory lane, but it was not until she began reciting her daughter’s impressive resume for me to fill a sinking filling. It was not jealousy, it was not envy (I know they mean the same thing, I just needed another synonym for dramatic effect.)  Anyway, in all actuality, it was pure disappointment in myself. I could not be mad though, homegirl was doing her thing when I felt like was not doing anything. I immediately began to shut down internally. We bid her a farewell and attempted to continue our shopping venture.

My friend could tell I was slightly perturbed. I expressed to her that I felt as if I have accomplished nothing of substance since graduating college, and hearing how amazing a former acquaintance was doing made me do a little self reflection. She tried to comfort me and say that the classmate and I were in two different fields. I love my friend, but this was incorrect! We are literally in the same field. So while she is propelling herself to stardom, I’m….I’m still here. I actually don’t even know where here is. Despite how I actually felt, I shrugged it off for the sake of my friend. I wanted to enjoy the rest of the trip, but there was still that constant nagging in the back of my head.

So it would be about right now, that I bring up the turning point in the day or the encouraging words that brought me out of my self-inflicted funk. Then I would follow with some motivating words of my own with an optimistic close! No ma’am, no sir, I cannot offer that at this very moment. Most people at one point or another have felt like this. At least I hope so because it would suck if it was just me.

With that being said,  I’m left with a few options here. Two to be exact. I can either stay in my slump, feel bad for unfulfilled dreams and missed opportunities, OR I can feel what I feel and push through it. Now, I cannot lie. I might need a rest day and a large American Deli fry with blue cheese, but after that, I go back to hitting the ground running to get what I want. My supervisor and I actually had a conversation a few months back about my future. She asked me one question after my little vent session. She said, “Are you healthy?” I thought, “Huh?” She said, “You are young, healthy and able-bodied. When you have your health you can do almost anything.”

It was later on that I realized she spoke from experience. She was once in a place where she did not know what direction her health was going in. She emphasized that when you are battling health issues, getting well becomes the ultimate goal as everything else falls to the wayside. I wake up every morning with ability and opportunity to make something extraordianry happen.

The world is in an unbelievably crazy place right now. It is so easy to get caught up in our own little planets that we become oblivious to the world outside. With hate, intolerance, and death lurking around every corner, it is literally a miracle to make it to a new day. Let’s be clear, just because you are healthy does not mean you will not have issues. If it is not a health issue, it is a financial issue. If it is not a financial issue it is a relationship issue. The point that I’m trying to drive home here is, it is not about what kind of hardship or obstacle you are facing. It is about how you approach it. I do not  want to drag on and on, so I’ll just end with a wise quote from the brilliant mind of 2 Chainz, ” If you woke up this morning…you winning!”

 

Have Peace in Your Presence

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