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With Thanksgiving coming soon! Not only have Struggle Plates been on my mind, but who gets fed first? Do you fix your husband a plate first or do you fix your children’s plate first?




imageI would think you feed your kids first considering they might not be able to just yet. On the other hand, your husband might be the primary source of income in the household. The husband might need to be fed first so he can have the energy to be able to make money to support the household. Although, at the same time, children are growing and need all the nourishment they can get. Now, I don’t have a man and I don’t know who should eat first. You all need to help me.

Also, what do you do when Ebony to fixes your husband a plate while you were in the restroom? So many questions! I need answers!

Can a man fix his on plate? Personally I wouldn’t if he is expecting it, but I don’t have a man lol.

Do we keep it old shool and pooch to the kitchen and fix your man a plate or do you say he can get his on?


Ladies who do you feed first? Be HONEST and help JustinJ out…





  1. Melanie

    November 26, 2015 at 1:32 am

    I’m traditional, so my husband to me it’s a respect thing

  2. Keisha

    November 26, 2015 at 2:20 am

    my husband and I both agree that are children come before us but I usually either serve them simultaneously or hubby first then my babies.

  3. Oodie

    November 26, 2015 at 2:44 am

    I’m glad I don’t have these issues because I’m not fixing another grown ass able bodied person’s plate. If that is a factor of love, y’all can have that shit. Besides, kids matter more to me anyway, so they’d be eating first if I had any. Either he fixes his own plate or starve, but I’m eating.

    • Petranilla

      November 26, 2015 at 1:09 pm

      He’s better get his arse up and serve himself ESPECIALLY if I did all the cooking without help!! I am tired!!!!!!!!

      • Mindie

        November 30, 2015 at 5:14 pm

        I agree!

      • Anne

        December 1, 2015 at 6:20 am

        Agree. I’m not making shit. I done stood up and cooked all this shit, you make my plate!

      • Tj

        October 8, 2016 at 10:32 pm

        You black aint you?

    • Danielle

      December 10, 2015 at 12:20 pm


  4. BinkiBianca

    November 26, 2015 at 3:17 am

    I believe the husband should be fed first. He’s the head of the family.

    • Tierra

      November 26, 2015 at 4:58 am

      I have to agree! Me as a mother and wife I usally fix my husband’s plate first then my two children. It’s not like it’s only enough food for just my husband. Everybody gets fed and its only like a minute between when my husband gets his plate and when my kids receive theirs. My husband will fix his own plate and ours no problem if necessary. That’s how I grew up seeing my grandmother fix my grandfather’s plate and she still does to this day.

  5. Sherry

    November 26, 2015 at 5:34 am

    I fix my stepson’s plate and then my husband’s at home. If we are out eating at someone else’s, we all usually make our own. I don’t know what kind of dishes they may or may not want that someone else cooked. They might want to try something that I might not realize. I also make my 75 year old mama a plate, even though she gets around just fine and is studying that vodka cocktail more than a plate. I don’t mind making men’s plates, however, grown ass, able bodied people really do need to make their own plates. Happy Thanksgiving, Justin and all the Jays!

  6. Jessica Holland

    November 26, 2015 at 6:17 pm

    Everyone should fix their own plate.. unless they are physically unable to do so

  7. CandE

    November 27, 2015 at 12:10 am

    Good article Justin. This is a good question, and since I don’t have a man either I’ll reference my knowledge of married women in my family. I believe you feed your husband first unless he insist you make the kids plates first. Lol better beat cousin faith to it.

  8. Danielle J

    November 27, 2015 at 4:37 pm

    If I had a man, I wouldn’t fix his plate for him since he do have two fucking hands and legs that work perfectly good…

    • Vera

      November 29, 2015 at 5:16 pm

      Lol! I’m with you on the two fucking hands lol

    • Tj

      October 8, 2016 at 10:33 pm

      Thats why you dont have one.

  9. Renee S.

    November 28, 2015 at 1:25 am

    Look Ladies,

    We live in the year of 2015 and things are going to change every year for us women and the next generation of women. Me personally, I would fix my children’s plate first because as being a full time mother all day they deserve it more than we do because we made that sacrifice to have kids in the first place. When Women have kids, everything changes in our lives physically, mentally, and emotionally when it comes to having children so by being a full time mother making sure they eat first is very important. Now however being traditional is not a bad thing, but as the year changes…were doing things differently now which is focusing more on feeding our kids first. Now to makes this simple and so easy to accomplish just feed your whole family and they will be happy. 🙂 I hope I sum this up well for ya’ll to understand.

  10. moniee

    November 29, 2015 at 12:27 am

    I don’t have either but, I would fix the kids plate first knowing that it involves knives and cutting and such then fix the mans plate. At then end of the day when we sit at the table everybody is suppose to wait until all plates are served, say grace, then eat so it really shouldn’t be that much of an issue if the man have to wait for his plate anyways.

  11. Vera

    November 29, 2015 at 5:15 pm

    We just pass the dishes around. When my grandfather was alive, we had to do it in counterclockwise. Don’t ask me why cause I still don’t get it. But anyway- husband sits at head of table and he gets what’s passed to him. An adult is sitting between children to help them. I’m usually sitting closest to the kitchen so I can get up 5 billion times for things I’ve forgotten.

  12. LC

    November 30, 2015 at 4:36 pm

    I haven’t seen a man have his “plate fixed” in my family since my great grandfather was still alive.

  13. Mindie

    November 30, 2015 at 5:21 pm

    Depending on age I think children should be first. After that I feel whom ever cooked the meal should be next. I have been married almost 19 years, together 21 yeats. I have probably fixed my husbands plate a dozen times. That was only because he had had knee surgery. Fixing your mans plate is not key to a happy marriage.

  14. Anne

    December 1, 2015 at 6:22 am

    That’s what’s wrong with this country. Women always putting themselves last. I’m not with that serving a man shit. I’m just not.

  15. Tanisha

    December 3, 2015 at 2:43 pm

    When I was growing up, my grandmother would always fix my grandfather’s plate before we could fix our own plate. Sometimes he just wouldn’t eat if she wasn’t home to fix his plate. Now that I have a family of my own, I cook and I fix my children’s plates first. It is my job as their mother to take care of them. My husband isn’t left out. I do cook!! He’ll it’s woman that don’t even do that..

  16. Danielle

    December 10, 2015 at 12:23 pm

    Yeah, I feed the 2 men of my home first, meaning before me. The 2 men are my 2 boys Kingston and Kendall. All my kids eat first in my home. I don’t have a man but if I did that ass is not a priority to eating before my kids.

  17. Lauren C

    March 21, 2016 at 12:50 pm

    There is nothing wrong with fixing your hard working husband a plate. Now if you have a grown ass man that does nothing, that’s a different story. To each their own, but I serve my husband first, then my kids, then myself, but we all eat at the same time so…

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The Circle on Netflix Had A Racism Problem






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For The Culture

Bey Ain’t Slick




The opinions expressed in this publication are those of Rafael Roden.


For far too long we’ve been giving her passes and today I say enough is enough. People are literally afraid to write about this shit because of the inevitable blowback from people who worship Beyoncé like white Brits worship their actual Queen monarch. So here goes…

Beyoncé is not above criticism. That’s the first thing. I understand the stance many Black people take when another Black person casts an unflattering light on your favorite Artist or celebrity, but not all of it is hating. A lot of it is warranted. And every charge I make in this article is coming from a major fan and someone who used to wanna collaborate with the woman. Understand that I have bias, but that’s not making me not wanna hold Beyoncé accountable for her trash ass actions as of late and the precedent it sets for aspiring “bosses”. And just know she ain’t the only member of the upper echelon guilty of this shit. I’mma take shots at a few other entertainment giants, just you wait.

What set this think piece I didn’t wanna find myself writing into motion was the information stirring around that Mrs. “of course sometimes shit go down when it’s a billion dollars on an elevator” is only paying her dancers and other various performance staff $250 a day without benefits when they are performing at the highest level in the world. I’m even flattering her in my critique so please uncock your pistols. I have caught up on all the tea and these claims are supported by many of the lead performers and solidarity exists within that community. It’s hard to substantiate every last bit of wrong in this whole ordeal, but that’s the crux of the situation. Take me at my word cause there are receipts for days.

Added this because apparently I can’t be trusted with my word.

Moving back retroactively to the Shawn Carter Foundation Gala (which is where that tacky ass clutch in the picture is from) we find our favorite vocal angel arm & arm with her sell out husband Jay Z (NFL partnership, nuff said) who gave out Rolex and bottles of champagne as invitations to a room full of people worth billions of dollars who only raised $6 million. That’s just stingy. But that’s been written about enough. I just think it’s crazy who get’s in these rooms in the name of seeming to authenticly coming from nothing. Like Fabolous. You know the dude that head butt his then girlfriend and knocked her teeth out? Not Beyoncé’s fault, hell no, but why are abusers around a self proclaimed Feminist? Why are you letting your man invite him? Why did Rihanna try and normalize him at her last few events (which I find quite disgusting considering her history)? The answer is money and optics. The message comes off as “rich black men who are seen as legendary can make the mistake of domestic violence and still deserve A Seat At The Table” (see also Nas who beat Kelis). I just can’t square these conflicts of interest. I need somebody to make it make sense. Because remember, birds of a feather flock together. Beyonce blink twice if you need help. I’m fucking serious. He cheated, who knows if there’s a domestic violence story in there. I don’t put shit past no man at this point. It’s also part of the reason why I stopped identifying as such.

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For The Culture

Welcome to Uncle Tom’s Haus of Koonery




So in light of the great news of President Trump getting impeached. I was sent an article from a few twitter mutuals of an interview done by Mikelle Street interviewing everyone’s favorite problematic porn star Max Konner. I knew at that moment I would not receive any peace this week. The article at hand denoted that Konner was beginning his own talent agency for people of color. I did a double-take, but I been on this earth long enough to know a stunt when I see one. In the article, Konnor mentioned the need for porn actors of color needing proper tutelage and education before entering the pornography industry. Which I do agree with, but we also know that seeing the phrasing “people of color” does not mean black people and why would Konner exclusively help his own people? He wouldn’t, but that’s been made very clear that he has no intention of helping the Black LGBTQIA+ community after his behavior during the PR nightmare which and is still

Noir Male

I have to be honest that I found the interview to be amazing and at minimal a cross-examination of Konner’s work history, work ethics, and very sorted and messy racially insensitive history. Konner acknowledges that there will be criteria for all those that apply to join the slaveshi-, sorry the Haus of Konner. 

He says in the article:

“Right now we have three exclusives: Derek ClineJabari Clutch, and Asher Lee. I have a bunch of other submissions but I’m taking my time to go through everything because it is a boutique talent management company. I am not just accepting everybody that applies. I’m trying to pick models who I feel like have what it takes to make it.”

Now, what this statement could subversively say so many things. Firstly, Jabari is the only black presenting model. Derek is racially ambiguous and Asher is Asian. Even in the first stride of selection, there is only one Black person in the mix (pun intended). Secondly, “boutique talent management company” is reading as “no fats, no fem” because knowing the shortness of sight that Konner has he may only present body boys and cis actors that are racially palatable.

Mr. Street follows up with the question:

“The release says that you all are prioritizing “models of color.” Are you referencing all models of color, specifically Black models, or will it be all models with an emphasis on models of color?”

Konner responds with:

“As of right now we are looking at all models of color. I’m trying to decide if I want to have one or two models that don’t necessarily fit that because in doing this I don’t want to become the problem that I’m trying to fight. There are so many avenues and so many arenas where we as models of color are shut down or shut out because of the color of our skin, and I don’t want this to be a thing where we say: OK it’s all models of color and anyone who is not that, get out. So I’m still toying around that, but right now we are exclusively models of color.”

My thoughts are that this is basically saying that “I’m gonna have some good ole boys in the club because I don’t want massa upset with me none.” I’m just saying. Rather than doing the right and altruistic thing and doing an all-black agency. Konner is going to appease the comfort of his white fan base in spite of the fact his black fan base was there for him when he was the porn actor Isaiah Foxx. Which if anything he owes that little boy the world because Konner is fully aware and present on the issues that BLACK porn actors face and what Isaiah a black bottom porn actor felt.

The thing that is further disturbing in the article is when Konnor says this:

“I do plan to send models from Haus of Konnor over to Noir Male but one of my big things is: if I send a model to a studio there’s agreement between me and that studio that nothing that has to do with that model’s race or nothing pertaining to the “BBC experience” is what that model is participating in. I’ve been on jobs where I’ve had no clue what I’ve been working on and then the movies come out and it’s like ‘Oh god!’”

This sounds very historically familiar. So during the slave trade, the Caribbean Islands was used as a large space for sex farms for slaves and “buck breaking”. 

Noted on

“These male slaves were purchase based entirely on the prerequisite of them possessing a large penis. Black men were routinely raped by their gay slave owners. The process was known as “breaking the buck.”

It involves a strapping Negro slave, who was defiant, was beaten with a whip till bloody in front of his entire slave congregation. The slave owner would cut down a tree and, with the help of the overseer, would then pummel the deviant “buck” into submission. Once the slave was worn down, the master had the other Negro slaves force him over the tree stump where his britches would be removed and he laid fully exposed buttocks, he would remove his own clothing and proceeded to savagely sodomize the buck in front his wife, family, friends, and children.”

Konnor is basically handing these gentlemen over to a problematic porn company ran by the also very racially problematic DJ Chi Chi LaRue. After the debacle with PrEP/U=U advocate, #TakedownTina activist, and now amateur porn actor Jacen Zhu. He stepped away from the company for their purposeful mishandling of race in the studio. We can not trust that Konner will have good intentions.

So let’s be clear. Is there a race issue in gay porn? Absolutely.

Should there be a space cultivated for porn actors of color to get jobs and to be treated fairly? Yes ma’am.

Should there be a space cultivated for black porn actors of color to get jobs and to be treated fairly? Yes sir!

Should Konner be the one doing it? No, not at this juncture and especially around his limited education on race.

Konnor has clearly acknowledged that there is a problem, which is good for him I guess. I just understand that there needs to be more work done to supplant footing for black LGBTQIA+ porn actors of all genders and body types and this attempt is half-cocked, lazy, and wildly remedial. He participating in the same foolish stunting that Noir Male did as well at their inception.



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